I have been afraid of doing this blog. Why? Not because I’m afraid of putting myself out there, or because of public humiliation. The reason for my hesitation is this: I have been afraid of failing… again.
You see, I start a lot of things, but then promptly give up. It’s my worst attribute. And I am afraid of investing too much money or time into something that will just be a failure. I didn’t want to go to the gym for the longest time because I knew I’d just wake up and roll over, and quit again… I never did start a YouTube channel because I “knew” it would just flop. So many dreams and ideas of mine sit on a shelf because I’m afraid of breaking them, like fancy plates.
But I’m done. I’m going to try again. Maybe I will flop, again. Maybe I will quit again, but I’ll never get the chance to prove myself wrong if I don’t try or start.
2020 has sucked. For real. It has meant the end of a lot of good things. Im sure if you are reading this, you are saying “yes it has” to yourself, so I don’t need to give any examples other than my own. This year, I found a better job, then lost it due to COVID-19, and had to take another job for a 25% pay cut. I nearly chopped my finger off with a table saw, and now have a nasty, painful scar to remember it by. My wife broke her ankle, and after 6 weeks, is still unable to drive herself. At the time of this writing, both of our vehicles are out of commission, one needing an alternator rebuilt, and the other (hopefully) needing a water pump.
We had big plans for this year. My daughter Aubree just turned one, and I was hoping to maybe upgrade our house a little bit. Maybe get a boat, and/or a camper. I wanted to be in step 4,5,6 of the Dave Ramsey plan, (1,2, and 3 were to have all debt paid off and have $10,000 in an emergency fund). To be open, we HAVE amazingly stayed out of debt, but are nowhere near have that emergency fund done. We need a new floor, since a water leak ruined the kitchen floor, among other small things around the house that need to be done.
I AM A COMPLAINER BY NATURE. In fact, I need to be hired as the person who points out all the negatives and plot holes in movies and books. I’m really good at that. I can find a downside in anything. I hate it about myself. I don’t see myself as a negative person, really. I like to think I stay positive most of the time, but my wife will tell you differently, and she’d be right. It’s all about mindset, and mine needs to change.
Two weeks ago, our pastor (a.k.a. my Dad) preached about being thankful for everything. Flip the light on, and thank God for electricity. Brush your teeth and be thankful that you have them at all. This sermon hit home. It’s time to change perspective on life. This is lesson number one in Spencer’s lessons to himself, and that is why I am writing this blog.
Something about me: I have wanted to produce some kind of content since I discovered YouTube when I was a teenager, but I never did. I have dreams of vlogging adventures on YouTube, and having a podcast with my friends, and going on exotic trips that I can write off as a business expenses. While I did stream video games on Twitch for a year, and thoroughly enjoyed it, I only put so much effort into it. I grew to 95 followers, earned $100, and then decided to take a break while my daughter Aubree was an infant. But like I stated above, fear and laziness held me back on most of those content creation dreams.. This changes now.
While 2020 has been hard, I have learned SO MUCH. After leaving my comfy job where I was allowed to be lazy, I learned how to solder electronics at my temporary new job, as well as how to use a chemical packaging machine (not sure of that exact name), among other small things. When I was laid off, I learned some basics in video editing, vector graphic design, and got a drone and learned how to fly it. When I became a bank teller, I learned who was who in my local town, how banking really works on the inside.. I also got a 3d printer for my birthday from my friends Chris, PJ and Travis (you guys are the best), and learned basic 3D modeling, and how to print stuff. Of course I have also learned how to be a dad to an infant, and learning in that category will never stop, I know. I learned how to flush a radiator in a Chevy Equinox, and replace an air injection switch, and remove an alternator in a Toyota Tundra. I learned how to install flooring. I am currently learning about health and fitness, as I let my brother-in-law use me as a guinea pig personal trainee.
I have chosen to be THANKFUL, especially as we enter into the Thanksgiving Holiday season, for 2020. While most people have nothing but bad things to say about 2020, as I have also done, I choose to be grateful for the learning opportunities I have had this year. This being said, I AM STILL READY FOR 2020 TO BE IN HINDSIGHT. *budum tss*
It’s time to change things. Its time to look at life a little differently. I’m at a point in my life where I am looking for growth. Maybe I have spent enough time out of college, that I miss learning. Maybe it’s just because life becomes more real when you become a Dad. Maybe God is working on me. Whatever it is, all I know is that I determined to CHANGE, for the better.
I hope all who have decided to read this blog have a wonderful holiday season, and hope you can join me in my perception of this year as a learning experience. Hope this was short enough for your attention span, and long enough to be gleaned from.
Shoutout to my wife for being super supportive of me and our family through all the trials we have gone through this year. She is the real MVP. Love you babe.
-Spence
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
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