Last week I deleted my social media. At least the big ones.
Before I left, I posted a picture that said “It’s Time To Starve” and told viewers to keep an eye out for this blog post. But that was 6 days ago, because… I think I’m a hypocrite.
Last week I was a counselor at the UPCI’s North Carolina District Youth Camp. I LOVED camp every year as a kid. When I attended my last camp 5 years ago, I was excited to come back as a counselor. Other than being exhausted all week, I was not disappointed. In fact, this camp was for me more than it was for the kids I brought with me I think.
By “for me” what I mean is that the messages preached by family friend Cortt Chavis, the headlining speaker, spoke to me directly, and revealed some deep rooted trauma in my life. But it wasn’t the messages alone that did it. I made some deep connections with acquaintances that are now friends.
If they read this, guys, thanks for changing my life last week. Staying up talking until 3AM and then giving students a completely unnecessary shakedown really changes you!
So after discovering that I hadn’t yet forgiven myself for a past traumatic experience, and being encouraged by my friends to do just that, I was able to leave that camp with a sense of victory in my life. I am happier. I am bolder. I am no longer living with imposter syndrome (acting like someone that you feel you are not worthy of being).
I would often ask myself questions like: Why are you trying to teach these kids? You are a wretch yourself.
I would tell myself that I didn’t deserve to lead in any aspect. I struggled with sin just as bad as the new convert. Even speaking in tongues, which is evidence of God’s Spirit in you, felt fake. I heard whispers that said “it isn’t real. You’re just making stuff up.”
That’s behind me now. But the challenge of living Godly still remains.
So why do I say I think I’m a hypocrite?
Coming right off of camp was like a hot coal leaving a fire. It either starts a new fire of its own, or it goes cold.
I posted “Time To Starve” hot off the fire. I deleted half of the apps from my phone, including Facebook and Instagram. I switched my accounts on Youtube so that the same trash would no longer show up in my suggested videos. It felt good right off the bat. I started listening to Apostolic podcasts and sermons Monday and Tuesday, but by Tuesday night, I thought, well I can at least watch something entertaining that is educational and not trashy.
And this is where I question whether or not I am a hypocrite.
Carnality is anything that is not EVIL or GOOD. The neutral stuff that is worthless. This is what most entertainment falls under. Although with today’s state of the world, we are very quickly sliding downwards from neutral entertainment to evil entertainment.
I saw this reflected in my Youtube entertainment selections. Mostly video game related content. As much as I hate to admit it, most of video game culture is toxic. This is indicated by the promotion of pornographic websites, young children swearing like sailors from 40 years ago, and constant sexual innuendos. Parents, please monitor what your kid plays. I want to create a website that rates games based on Christian morality someday. Reach out to me if you would like to see something like this.
So basically I switched my Youtube accounts, and instead of watching toxic content, I instead watched homesteading and educational content. Also the show ALONE, which is a survival reality show.
So is this better, or the same? Well, I love analogies, so here we go.
If poison is BAD, and soda is neutral, and water is GOOD, then what does this content fall under?
If I was dying of thirst, and soda was all I could get, then soda is what I would drink, but it has terrible long term consequences. Soda is not a substitute for water. I noticed at camp that alot of kids drank soda instead of water, and those same kids suffered from dehydration in the heat.
I switched poison for soda.
Carnality is not a good substitute for evil. It still detracts from spiritual growth.
We are in the constant struggle between Spirit and Flesh. The one that we feed, wins.
When I made the statement “It’s Time To Starve”, this is what I was referring to: Starving my Flesh.
This is done most effectively by fasting. I am fasting social media. I was on Instagram Reels way too much. But regrettably, as the week progressed, I fed my flesh with educational content, calling it “better than the other stuff”. Like getting a granola bar at the store instead of a snack cake. You know how many bad chemicals are in processed granola bars? Alot. Vegetables are better. But yuck.
So now that I have explained myself, I will hold myself accountable, and fill myself with more of God’s Word, of God-inspired messages, and prayer.
I think some seasoning on the vegetables is okay. Just be sure to eat your vegetables. Not just mac-n-cheese.